Responding to Bias   Last updated 2/18/2008

(Excerpts with permission from Creative Response to Conflict, Inc.)

THE IMPORTANCE OF RESPONDING - TRY TO DO SOMETHING

If we do not respond to a biased comment or incident, we are essentially saying that it is all right to say the comment or act in a biased way. We can be sure that the comments and incidents will increase rather than decrease, if we do not respond. If we hear a biased comment or observe  a biased incident against our own group and do nothing about it, we may experience shame and weakness. We may blame ourselves. This is an example of internalized oppression.

When we respond positively to bias against ourselves or others, we feel strong and proud that we have stood up for ourselves and another person.

POSSIBLE RESPONSES TO BIAS

• Listen - In responding to a biased comment or action, it is important to listen to what is being said. When we are listening, we are not encouraging the problem to escalate. (This is similar to other forms of conflict resolution.) Actively listen to the person and try to understand their point of view.

• Ask Questions - When we ask a question, we are not escalating the conflict. We are finding out more about what the person think, why they have the bias. "Why do you feel that way?" "What do you mean?" are examples of questions that could be asked after a biased comment is heard.

• "I" Statements - "I feel upset when I hear racist comments because I feel unsafe." This is an example of an "I" statement which follows the model of "I" feel.....when.....because....."I" statements are best when used in situations where there is some degree of trust and relationship. "I" statements are somewhat more of a risk than some of the other responses.

• Try Not to Judge - Biased comments or actions can make us very angry and we often have impulses to judge a person for what they have said . Making judgments or assumptions tends to escalate the conflict.

SOME METHODS OF  RESPONDING TO BIAS

When w hear a biased comment or observe biased behavior we often don't know how to respond. The following guidelines offer some positive responses:

1. Listen and try to understand what the person is saying.

2. Paraphrase what is being said.

3. Share how you feel about the comment or behavior. "I" statements can be helpful here.

4. Ask questions to clarify what is being said or felt, why the person feels that way, and where the person got the information.

5. Let the person know it is the comment or behavior which is problematic, not the person. It helps to recognize that bias is learned, not something which we are born.

6. By speaking to a person in private, we take away the element of embarrassment or shame for being criticized in public.

7. Remaining calm, non-judgmental, and caring is an important element of effectively responding to bias. Responding aggressively is likely to escalate the conflict.

8. Sometimes we may need to take the time to become calm before discussing the bias.

9. Offering alternative information concerning the bias is sometimes effective.

10. A mediator may help solve the problem if none of the above works.

11. Asking for specific guidelines might be an outcome of the mediation agreement; e.g. " I agree not to make biased comments around you."

The above methods assume that you want to maintain a positive and ongoing relationship with the person. They also assume that it is important to respond and try to do something. These methods may not always work and it may be hard to choose which method to use. However, one or more of these hints may be effective in any number of bias situations.

RESPONDING TO BIASED COMMENTS AND ACTIONS CHECKLIST

WHAT WORKS

1. Use a calm tone and demeanor.

2. Question where the person got information.

3. Remember that bias is learned from family, friends and society -- no one is inherently racist, sexist, etc.

4. Give new information without lecturing.

5. Reject the behavior, not the person.

6. Recognize the person's feelings.

7. State your feelings.

8. Take time to cool off before discussing the incident.

9. Set limits.

10. Take the problem to a third, neutral party.

WHAT DOESN'T WORK

1. Loud voices and shouting.

2. Labeling.

3. Lecturing.

4. Violence.

5. Assigning guilt or blame.

6. Trading Insults.

7. Aggressive body posture.

8. Public humiliation.

9. Denial

Hopefully we can all learn to use methods such as these to gain a better understanding and limit bias in our community thereby limiting conflicts and potential violence.

Excerpts provided by Creative Response to Conflict, Inc.